This morning I woke up feeling not good physically, mentally, and emotionally. I just felt like I’ve gotten swept up in the chaotic world I’ve lived in for the past month. In reality it began before a month ago. I realized I’ve been caged as Glennon Doyle describes in Untamed. A cage that was partly my own making, part of growing up, and part of trying to please other people and be what I thought they wanted me to be. I’ve never fit in a mold but yet I always tried to make myself fit it. I’ve been doing things that I enjoyed but that never really called my soul. In the end it just ended up with me being burned out and sick literally and metaphorically of doing anything.
I bought the 75 Hard book by Andy Frisella, I tried it for a day and then gave up on myself….again. This morning I decided that I’ve fallen off the wagon so many times with my self-care that I don’t want to do that anymore. I need the mental toughness. I need to find a path that is my own. I know what I don’t want so now I just have to figure out what it is that I do actually want for my life.
I went for a walk outside….in the rain. It wasn’t a thunderstorm but a light rain. The rain cooled my skin. The mix of wetness on my face from rain and sweat felt like it was cleansing my soul. My soul needed the walk more then my body did. I watched the changing leaves fall to the ground and change colors on the trees. Fall is my favorite season. I feel like it is my season. A season of change before the winter sets in. The rain falling on my skin reminded me of the Orisha Oya in the Yoruba Tradition. She is the Orisha of weather. She is a brave warrior. Her symbols are the machete, the water buffalo, and lightning. She is the Orisha of change. Occasionally when it storms I think of Oya. I think of how change happens when we are in the midst of a storm. It could be a physical storm or a metaphorical storm but change will happen in the midst of it. If we want it to or not. Somehow we will come out of the storm changed for better or worse. I want to come out better.
I listened to a walking meditation on Aaptiv. It was a walking meditation on Ho’oponopono. It is the Hawaiian prayer/mantra for healing and forgiveness. I’ve done it before and always had a magical experience with it. Today I apologized to myself and others in my head. I forgave myself and others. I told the universe I loved the universe. I told myself I love myself. Not out loud but in my mind. Even in the mess I felt a sense of peace.
The mantra is:
I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I Love you.
You can say it in any order but this is the order that I prefer. You can focus on yourself, your higher power, or someone else. Or all of the above. This mantra can be used to heal and cleanse anything. You don’t even have to know what needs to be healed. Resource and for more info: Ho’oponopono Prayer – The Hawaiian Healing Prayer for Forgiveness, Peace and Health (hooponoponomiracle.com)
